


A bruise on the heart takes longer to heal

by lokilenchen



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring James T. Kirk, Discussion of past violence, Emotionally Hurt Leonard "Bones" McCoy, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack, Past Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22831060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokilenchen/pseuds/lokilenchen
Summary: No one knew the real reason for Leonard’s divorce, not even Jim.This is the story of how Jim found out about the dark secret that hovered over Leonard’s past.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Past Jocelyn McCoy/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 131
Collections: Bones McCoy H/C





	A bruise on the heart takes longer to heal

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks AccidentallyObsessed for beta reading, it helped a lot!

No one knew why his marriage ended, no one except him and his wife. He hadn’t even told Jim, his now boyfriend, the real reason.

Everybody assumed they just grew apart, well they weren’t wrong, but the reason why they grew apart? Oh no, they didn’t know. They thought Leonard spent too much time in the hospital working, not having enough time for his wife. Sure, he was more often in the hospital than not, but he had a really good reason for that.

He lived in an abusive relationship. Yes, you heard right, his wife, the former love of his life kept beating him. Leonard was a disappointment to her. He didn’t make enough money, he didn’t have enough time for her, the fact that he was bi disturbed her, his cooking was not good enough. Everything he was and did was simply wrong.

Whenever his wife believed he’d done something wrong she would beat him. No, he wouldn’t stop her or hit her as well, because that went against his oath to do no harm and, for quite some time, he believed he deserved it.

He knew the things domestic violence did to people from his time in the hospital, knew the cheap excuses, but he kept thinking it was different at their home. His wife had to have a reason for the beatings, he had to be this reason, it was his own fault.

The realisation that it wasn’t his fault came much later, in the meantime he was the one covering up his bruises with makeup, using the dermal generator more often than not, telling his coworkers lie after lie.

At some point the realisation hit him, it wasn’t his fault, but he did not believe that it was the fault of Jocelyn either, she had a problem, not a physical one, but a psychological one. Leonard was a doctor with all his blood, down to the bones, so he couldn’t just watch, he needed to help his wife, that’s what a husband was for after all. 

He arranged therapy for her, but that was not what she wanted, on the contrary, the beating he received afterwards was worse than ever before. A short time after that he got the divorce papers. Yes, it was the best that could have happened to him and the worst all in one.

Leonard lost everything in the divorce, she took it all by telling the judge that he was never there for her and that he was an alcoholic. Leonard kept his mouth shut not wanting to tell all the things she had done to him. He was afraid.

All this brought him to Starfleet. One evening he was in a bar drinking something for the first time in a long time and Pike came to him. He knew all about Leonard’s achievements in medicine, that Jocelyn had ignored, labeled as useless. He asked Leonard what he had to lose and there was nothing more he had to lose. So he ended up in a shuttle next to Jim Kirk.

It was hard for him at the academy, whenever someone as much as lifted their hand too high Leonard had to control himself not to wince, the combat classes were even worse, they always ended with a breakdown in his dorm room, but he kept going.

He had a few moments that he thought about quitting, but Jim stopped him time after time. They were best friends, the only one he could talk to about some of his problems, never the big one, but it helped to get some things off his chest.

The kid kept dragging him out to parties and in bars, Leonard always grumbled he was too old for this crap, but Jim could look right through him.

The longest it took him to build up the trust again to love, but with Jim Kirk it was impossible to not fall in love with such a wonderful man.

They got together after the Narada incident, it made Leonard realize that he loved Jim, with all his heart, and that he couldn’t lose him.

Now with his position as CMO on the enterprise, under Jim as a captain, he’s seen many different injuries... but the injuries on Ensign Anderson in front of him, he hasn’t seen them in a long time. Not since they covered his own body.

The poor Ensign in front of him was definitely at the receiving end of the same horrible thing Leonard had lived through. The reason for her injuries was one of the many Leonard had used as well, she told him that she fell asleep on a chair in the labs and that she fell over in her sleep. The various marks on her body, some already fading, others were fresh, were not from falling over in a chair.

After providing medical care he asked her again what the reason for the now gone bruises were and for a moment he saw the pain in her eyes, but still the love for the person who did this, not wanting to give up hope yet. She was clearly thinking about telling Leonard the truth, but she decided against it in the end, leaving with care for all the injuries and a thank you, going back into a hell that Leonard knew all too well.

He would tell Jim about the occurrence, it was not only his duty as CMO, but it was Leonard’s duty as a person who had shared the same fate. Jim would make short process with this guy and make him leave the ship. It was in the regulations after all and Jim was protective of his crew. Leonard was the same with his patients.

After Ensign Anderson had left, he couldn’t get rid of the thoughts that traveled back to his own past. It worked him up more and more. At the end of his shift, his staff eyed him worriedly, Christine even asked if he was alright. No he wasn’t, but he nodded anyway.

He was more grumpy than usual, his defenses up so that no one could see the hurt underneath. I just need a little time alone, to calm down, he thought. He didn't want Jim to see him like this.

He’d never gotten to their quarters so fast in his life after his shift ended. There, it hit him. Starting as a little tremble in his fingers. He wasn’t just worked up, he was on the edge of a panic attack. A few steps into the still dark room and everything came down on him. Tears shot into his eyes as his legs gave out. He sat on the floor, breaths starting to come in ragged gasps, tears now running down his face. Not able to move he settled on the floor in a small ball, trying to calm himself down… but not succeeding.

That’s how Jim found him. Jim got off his shift earlier than usual, normally his shift ended a few hours later than Bones’, but today he had this bad feeling that pulled him home. With Spock on the bridge he knew the ship was safe.

Stepping into the pitch black room he found no trace of his boyfriend. Maybe he was still in medbay commanding his staff, he reasoned. His line of thought was disturbed by a faint sob coming from somewhere in the dark.

“Bones? Is that you?” Jim asked into their home. 

The answering sob wasn’t what he had been hoping for, but it did make Jim jump into action.

“Lights fifty percent,” Jim barked. The computer jumped to life and only seconds later the room was lit. What the light revealed made Jim’s heart ache, the strong man he had learned to love was there lying in a small ball crying. Trembling even. 

Carefully, Jim approached his Bones, “Bones? Bones how can I help?” He whispered the question.

He didn't get an answer from Leonard so he slowly pulled the otherwise steady hands, now shielding Bones’ eyes from the cruel world outside, into his own. With their linked fingers he pulled Bones into an upright position and into his lap. 

Letting go of Bones’ legendary hands he pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing in soothing circles over Bones’ back, carding fingers through his hair as he whispered sweet nothings into Bones’ ear, his head was now pressed into the crook of Jim’s neck. Jim felt the tears wetting his command shirt, but he didn’t mind, the only thing that mattered in the moment was his best friend, his lover in his arms.

After a while, though certainly not soon enough for Jim, Bones’ breaths became more controlled and the crying stopped almost completely. For Jim, that was a sign to slowly bring Len’s face out of it’s hiding place in Jim’s neck. Bones’ eyes were still closed.

Ever so carefully Jim wiped away the single tear that ran down Bones’ beautiful face. That was what it took for Leonard to open his eyes. The normally vivid hazel-green was dimmed, his eyes red rimmed and swollen from all the crying. It took all of Jim’s willpower not to pull Bones back into a tight embrace. Instead Jim gave Bones a feather light kiss on the forehead. It was a simple gesture, but it helped in calming Bones down even more.

The room was so quiet, the only sound their breathing. Bones’ still wasn’t fully back to normal, but nearly so, it took Jim some time to break it. “Bones, are you ready to tell me what caused this?” He whispered it, but it still sounded rather loud in the silent room.

Leonard nodded. Yes, he was ready to tell Jim his big secret. Taking one last encouraging inhale, he told Jim the story of his divorce; the one that had been hiding all this time in his heart. He watched Jim’s reactions over the whole cause of his story, but there wasn’t the pity he’d been expecting. There was nothing but undying love and protection in his lover’s beautiful blue eyes. It was that what kept him speaking, telling about his horrible past.

“Bones, just so you know, you’re perfect. I wouldn’t change you for the world, your passion, your love and your grumpiness, that’s who you are. And I, and the entire crew, love you for that,” He paused for a moment, “But why didn’t you tell me before, what happened?”

“I was afraid,” It was a simple statement, but the only one Leonard could give.

“...Of me?”

“No, of course not. I was afraid of your reaction, I know I shouldn't have been, ya went through some shit as well and I know that I can trust ya. You’re the only one I fully trust, but I was afraid nevertheless,” The understanding in Jim’s blue eyes made him continue, “Today Ensign Anderson came to medbay with bruises, bruises I know too well and a reason that didn’t explain the half of it. The same excuses I used. Jim, someone is hurting her and I couldn't help her. I saw the truth in her eyes, but she didn’t tell me. I felt helpless again, like back then. When I reached our quarters I couldn’t hold it in any longer and had a panic attack.”

When he finished tears were running down his face again, this time Jim kissed the tears away, “We’ll help her Bones, I promise,” Jim whispered his lips still against Leonard’s cheek.

They stayed on the ground a little longer, just being in each others presence, before Jim decided to get both of them into bed. Jim got up first, Leonard was trying to do the same, but Jim wasn’t having any of it. Scooping Bones up in his arms, he made his way to the bed. The grumbled ‘dammit’ showing him that he was getting Bones back to normal. The rest of their time off was spent cuddled together in their bed, settling into a comfortable silence until falling asleep in the warmth of each other.

True to his word, Jim was able to help Ensign Anderson. He got her to tell him the truth. She broke up with her boyfriend, who is now no longer part of the Enterprise crew.

All this made Leonard realize just how important it was to talk to someone about your problems. After telling Jim his secret, he told their friends as well and it made him feel much lighter. In the end, he was somehow happy it all happened. Sure, not all the hurt he lived through, but the divorce, because it all brought him to Jim; the real love of his life, who brings light to all the dark places in his past. It brought him a family with the crew of the Enterprise.


End file.
